March 5, 2013
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Consistency is a real bitch to master. I was supposed to be keeping up with this blog to prove my ability to keep up with anything, but it fell by the wayside as more pressing concerns took center stage like trying to feed myself and maintain personal relationships and a healthy lifestyle and a cat and pursue comedic endeavors….
There’s just too many goddamn things to do in the world and I want to do them all. The scatter-brained nature of this blog is a testament to my mildly ADD curiosity. This is to say I’m going to start branching out with content. I like my previous writing style, but its not all I want to do so fuck it. Here goes whatevsville.
Kicking off the new style is this dumb drawring I made today. Boom.
December 2, 2011
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Step 1: Wait until the night before it’s due to start.
Step 2: Pick a thesis statement that is both articulate enough to sound like you know what you’re talking about, but still vague enough that you can’t get pinned down into making a real point.
Step 3: See what’s going on on Facebook. If nothing new, run through old vacation photos for several minutes. Or, as an alternate, plan excessively for some future social event.
Step 4: Copy dozens of semi-relevant quotes into a blank word document.
Step 5: Check Facebook again.
Step 6: Drink some coffee for focus, but spend at least two to three times the necessary time preparing it.
Step 7: String the quotes together with connecting phrases and mash them into some semblance of structure.
Step 8: Check Facebook again. Spend an inordinate amount of time crafting witty comments no one will give a shit about or writing useless notes.
Step 9: Take a shower.
Step 10: Sit at your desk tweezing your eyebrows or trimming your nails for 20-30 minutes while you think of a conclusion and a snappy title.
Step 11: Print. Don’t bother proofreading, it’s 4am.
Step 12: SUCCESS!